All the past memories flowed back to me again. How I used to walk down that hill towards my best friend's house before school starts so that we could walk to school together. How I would stand outside of her house as she gets ready. How we would always end up running late and we would rush to school together. We had our good days, like going to the shopping centre together and getting a bowl of instant noodles each, and heading over to my house to eat them when my parents weren't home. Bad days such as getting bullied by seniors, getting bad grades and getting screamed at by teachers. I can still remember all the funny and embarrassing moments we had and they still makes me laugh. We used to talk about boys together. About our crushes and our "type" of guy. We had our share of fights. But at the end of the day, its all the good and bad times that make it a complete memory.
I remember the first day I arrived at Australia. I walked out of the plane, to the arrival section, feeling completely empty. I cried myself to sleep on the plane so my eyes were swollen. The only thought in my mind was, "I want to go back". We got into the rented car, and drove to our first home. The drive was like driving through a desert. "I hate this place", I thought. We got to the house, and unpacked the luggage. The first things I took out was the presents and goodbye letters I got from my friends the day before. I read through them again, one by one, I cried. I had never felt so empty in my life. I felt that I'd left everything in Singapore and now, I have nothing. The loneliness frightened me.
The next thing I remember was that we were driving to Broadway. We drove past swan river. "It is such a beautiful river", I thought, "But whats the point of looking at such beauty when I have no one to share it with?". That night, I prayed. I prayed promising to myself in exchange of everything to remain the same in Singapore till I return, to not shed a single tear from now on and be strong. In merely 2 weeks, I broke down. Everything changed. I hated myself for crying.
During the first month, I spent my time thinking how to get into a university in Singapore. I planted Forget-me-not in my garden hoping that my friends wouldn't forget me. All the Forget-me-not died. I guess that was fate. I didn't have internet during that month, so everything I do, every beautiful thing I see, I would save them up in my heart so that when I finally have internet, I can share them with all of my friends back at home. It never really happened.
Although life didn't work out the way I wanted it to, it turned out even better. I absolutely love Australia now and I glad I experienced all those pain to get to here.
People sometimes get surprised by how much I remember about the small details in life. I honestly never try to remember them. They somehow just refused to be forgotten. Sometimes it makes me sad how much i remember and cherish some of those memories, only to realise that other people had forgotten it.
如果有一天，你走进我的心，你会哭
因为里面装的满满都是你，
如过有一天，我走进你的心，我也会哭
因为里面没有我的身影。
There is only one memory however, that I truly want to erase. It wasn't a bad memory. It was far from bad. It was perfect. Just because it is perfect, it pains me to look at it every time. It hurts so much thinking that it is only just a memory. It will never ever happen again. That was more than 5 years ago. Stupid Jay.
When I opened my eyes, it was only just a dream
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