Weak

I remember around 10 years ago my cousin asked me "What do you want to be when you grow up?". I replied "I don't know. What do you want to be?" He said, "I want to be somebody to be remembered. I want to accomplish something that my name will be passed down for centuries and never to be forgotten.".

I remembered looking up at him in admiration, thinking, "Wow. That could never be me."

How I wish that I could say that its different now. Even now everything is still the same. I am still that weak little girl. No one will ever remember me. I am still the girl who gets picked last. I am still the girl who everyone leaves behind unless I scream out to them. Why?

For the first time in my life I heard someone called me "weak". It came to me as a surprise at first. I had many words to describe myself as.. But never weak. What really hit me hard was that, its true.

I'd always thought that crying in public is the definition of being weak. I am not talking about crying in movies  but in real life situations. I'd seen people that burst into tears about the littlest things in life. So I thought that I was strong. I didn't cry back then when I was bullied in secondary school. I didn't cry when I was called horrible names back then. I refused to break down in front of the people who were deliberately giving me a hard time. I didn't cry during graduations. Even my bestfriend has never seen my cry before. The only time I did cry in school was in Yr 1 when a fellow classmate slapped me due to bringing our group down for spelling wrong twice. Once everyone saw me crying, they told me to quit it because the teacher was approaching. So i stopped.

I thought I was strong. So what happened to me this year? Why did I break down in front of people and embarrassed myself? Is it because dentistry is killing me or because I am getting weaker? I would have thought that the stress in dentistry would make me a stronger person. However, I've never felt so weak and vulnerable in my life. I'd never thought that being nice is the very reason people make use of and bully you. I want to be a gentle, sincere and loving dentist who cares about her patients with all her heart. But apparently that is not enough. I hate how reality is. I hate how ugly people can get. I hate the real world which is a two face bitch.

Sorry for the emo post. I need time to figure myself out. Its time for me to quit being the soft, timid and nice person to be tougher and more confident. Stop running away Jayjay. Face your battles.

Family

I know it has been ages since I updated so Im back to wipe the cobwebs off the walls.

First of all I wanna welcome COCO into my family. He is a little brown guinea pig with a white Mohawk who is staying in my house for a couple of weeks and all i can say is that I love him to itsy bits.XD Everyone(except my dad) had been spoiling him.:D I would post some of his photos up here but I can't be bothered right now so..

Signing off~~

Lateral Expansion Much?

I am getting fatter. I ate too much midnight snacks.:( Soon I'll be looking like this:

JAYJAY STAY AWAY FROM FOOD! GET YOUR BUTT OFF THE BED AND DO SOME EXERCISE!

Ok..T.T

Nawwww~~:)

If Im not here tomorrow, you know that Endo killed me.

Gonna die from intimidation.:'(

Fear

So much to do yet ended up doing nothing at all.

Fear is the only word that can explain my mood right now. Life is going to get hectic soon and I am not sure whether I am ready for it. Gahh should calm my nerves and be more confident!

Like this:

Actually I always prefer pandas more so.. Like this:

You can do it Jayjay!:D:D:D

If you are going to fall in love with me

Due to my friends complaining, I had to change my blog theme. It was so pretty before. *sniff* :'(

Pandas!:D

I love Pandas.xD

I was supposed to meet up with J and W today for a study session but we ended up cancelling the plan. So like all my other Sundays, my study plans became a movie watching day. I was looking forward in meeting them as well.:( Haven't seen them since the last high school gathering.:(

Oh how i miss high school.:(

 On a happier note, E is coming back on thursday.:)

Good night people.:)

Edit*
Oh yeh! This made me laugh so hard.:) Enjoy~ Especially for the dental students.:)

Dreams:)

My dream room.:)

My 21st birthday is drawing nearer and I still haven't decided how I am going to celebrate it. I am choosing between surfcatting and dinner at a fancy restaurant. Nothing too fancy as I am a little short financially. Im sure it'll be a great day besides the fact that I am becoming old.:(

That was me surfcatting at the beginning of the year.:)

Recently I had been thinking about places I want to go after I get rich.xD One particular place is called Tahiti. I  had been dreaming of going there since I was 10. It is soo beautiful. The clear blue ocean and the clean white sand. I love the ocean.:)

Till then, I can only dream about it.:)

Friday

Its finally Friday!

Today I missed my first lecture due to me waking at up 930am. Obviously I got told off by my friends.>.< My excuse was that, who wants to wake up at 630 in a cold rainy morning!=[ And I was super tired. Anyways, it started out being a bad day as i got caught up in a horrible traffic jam, couldn't get parking, and therefore had to walk a distance. When I finally got to uni, i realised that i left my glasses in the car and had to walk all the way back again to get them.:( Oh well at least i got my elephant thighs doing some exercise.:)

Clinic was fun today. Did quite a bit of debriding getting the yucky stuff out of the patient's mouth. This particular patient haven't been to a dentist for 30yrs before seeing me due to her bad childhood experience at the dentist. After seeing me she told me that going to the dentist isn't bad at all and is in fact quite enjoyable. So I must have done something right!^_^ The best thing is that she agreed to me doing some fillings on her! I FINALLY GOT A RESTORATIVE PATIENT! YAYYYYY!!:D:D:D

Oh lol and somehow we created a dentistry family tree.:) S is my niece, K is my sister which is S's mother, X is my brother, C is my mother(or OUR mother), B is my grandma, N my grandpa(yeye), J M is my great grandma. And yes we are very mature. XD

New Start:)

Hi peeps.:)

Due to peer pressure i decided to make this "new" blog about my life. Nothing interesting happened today except that Bec stabbed my finger with a knife and it really hurt.:( Just joking.:) But anyways yesterday me, bec, steph, crystal, jen, nathan went to a jap restaurant near broadway and it was yummilicious.:D Loveee the sashimi. Sometimes I wish that I am a shark so that i can eat raw fish anytime i want.:D Nommmm salmonnnn.. Ok enough about my boring life today. Need to do my online assessments.:'( 

Toodles.:)