Resolutions

Its unbelievable how it is already the end of 2012. This had been an incredible year. The most challenging year in my life so far. I'm amazed and proud of myself that I've managed to survive. :) Yes. This is the time to reflect upon myself on the past year. :)

Even though going through this year had been incredibly rocky, I'm completely happy with the way it is going to end. This holidays had been the most fulfilling holiday ever. I've managed to pass 4th year, found a job that I enjoy doing, met up with a lot of my high school friends, went on my first road trip with friends, and had fun along the way. Obviously the best part was my birthday which was on 12/12/12! ^_^ (Not the fact that I am a year older :'( )

Even though I am not going to get the midnight kiss that I've always dreamed of( haha jkjk), 2012 going to end perfectly by me getting my first pay check!! Well that's not completely true but it is my first pay check in 4years! :D *Dance hysterically* Now I can finally go out to eat without feeling guilty!! And of course save up for my future house.^_^

I could only wish for 2013 to be an even more amazing one. There are so many things that I need improving on so hopefully 2013 would guide me to be the person I would like to be.

2013 Resolutions:

1. Pass fifth year
2. Make the most of fifth year and job experiences to be a competent and confident dentist
3. Find a job (as a dentist) 
4. Be a better daughter and sister by helping around the house and spending more time with them
5. Save up money for the future (by not wasting too much money on unnecessary things )
6. Be more independent by learning basic stuff like cooking and try not to burden parents on money stuff 
7. Be more organised
8. Maintain good relationships with people (Old and new)
9. Control my temper (I hate the fact that I tend to jump into irrational conclusions when I'm upset and would say hurtful things)
10. Be healthy by eating healthier and exercise more 
11. Go to a wedding (Hopefully hehe! My cousin just got engaged a couple of days ago!)

These are a few things that I need to work on and hopefully by the end of 2013 I would have improved or achieved them. Lets hope 2013 would be a good one.:)

Happy New Year 

All I Want for Christmas is You

Got home from work and saw this. :)

Merry Christmas <3

Spring

It had been exactly 1 year since my first blog post. How time flies! Its SPRING again!

Its amazing how so many things had changed within this 1 year. University, family, friendships and relationship.. It was all a mess. This year had been an emotional roller coaster for me but I am glad that how everything turned out. :)

I remember I used to be really depressed and tired all the time. For some weird reason, even though all those incidents crashed down onto me all at the same time, I stayed optimistic (to me anyways). I am really glad all these things happened to me because it made me much stronger. I know that I can make it though no matter what. No matter how tough and hard things can get, I WILL survive. YES I WILL.

This year also made me realise how incredibly lucky I am. Firstly, I am healthy. I haven't gotten sick for a while now (touch wood). I realised how important my health is. Because of that I started to exercise a little more and honestly, it makes me so much happier than I used to be.

Secondly I realised how much my family loves me and how much they mean to me. Whatever happened in the past should just stay in the past. I am never going to look back ever again because it will only hinder me from appreciating what I have now.

Thirdly, I have incredible friends. For so many months I had been hiding so many secrets in my heart because I was scared to speak up. I was so scared that if I speak up, others would judge me. I was so wrong. Now I know that some of my friends will always got my back no matter what and will always support my decisions. :)

Please don't feel sorry for me. It is hard getting over some things. But honestly I am really happy. I am at the point of my life where I feel so free and lucky. Yes there are many stress and at times I feel overwhelmed by them. But I know that I have the strength to get through them. I shall remain optimistic and overcome any obstacles that come along my way.

You can do it Jay.

Never give up.         

Fear

Why?

Why?

Why...

Why can't it be me instead?

Please don't take her away from me..

I beg you..

Vietnam

Can't believe my luck! Wait for me Vietnam! :D

Lost then found

Why do we say things we can't take back
Why do we miss what we never had

Because you love her

Sing for her no matter how bad you sound

Because you love her

:)

Hurt

I don't want to care anymore. I am sick of trying.

回到过去

The way to my heart is through my stomach

Back in Singapore, whenever I get hungry, I could just walk across the road to the hawker centre near my house and purchase take away food. Chicken rice and mee rubus was 2 dollars, chao kuay tiao was around  a dollar plus, and Otak was 4 for 2 dollars. Those were the good days.. In terms of food of course:D

I guess a part of me is still Singaporean.:)

Memories

I was walking to uni a few months ago. I walked past this bush of flowers. The fragrance coming from the flower hit me. It was the exact same smell as the flower that i used to walk past everyday on the way to school in Singapore 9years ago. Everyday without fail, the fragrance coming from that flower would make me smile. How nostalgic.

All the past memories flowed back to me again. How I used to walk down that hill towards my best friend's house before school starts so that we could walk to school together. How I would stand outside of her house as she gets ready. How we would always end up running late and we would rush to school together. We had our good days, like going to the shopping centre together and getting a bowl of instant noodles each, and heading over to my house to eat them when my parents weren't home. Bad days such as getting bullied by seniors, getting bad grades and getting screamed at by teachers. I can still remember all the funny and embarrassing moments we had and they still makes me laugh. We used to talk about boys together. About our crushes and our "type" of guy. We had our share of fights. But at the end of the day, its all the good and bad times that make it a complete memory.

I remember the first day I arrived at Australia. I walked out of the plane, to the arrival section, feeling completely empty. I cried myself to sleep on the plane so my eyes were swollen. The only thought in my mind was, "I want to go back". We got into the rented car, and drove to our first home. The drive was like driving through a desert. "I hate this place", I thought. We got to the house, and unpacked the luggage. The first things I took out was the presents and goodbye letters I got from my friends the day before. I read through them again, one by one, I cried. I had never felt so empty in my life. I felt that I'd left everything in Singapore and now, I have nothing. The loneliness frightened me.

The next thing I remember was that we were driving to Broadway. We drove past swan river. "It is such a beautiful river", I thought, "But whats the point of looking at such beauty when I have no one to share it with?". That night, I prayed. I prayed promising to myself in exchange of everything to remain the same in Singapore till I return, to not shed a single tear from now on and be strong. In merely 2 weeks, I broke down. Everything changed. I hated myself for crying.

During the first month, I spent my time thinking how to get into a university in Singapore. I planted Forget-me-not in my garden hoping that my friends wouldn't forget me. All the Forget-me-not died. I guess that was fate. I didn't have internet during that month, so everything I do, every beautiful thing I see, I would save them up in my heart so that when I finally have internet, I can share them with all of my friends back at home. It never really happened.

Although life didn't work out the way I wanted it to, it turned out even better. I absolutely love Australia now and I glad I experienced all those pain to get to here.

People sometimes get surprised by how much I remember about the small details in life. I honestly never try to remember them. They somehow just refused to be forgotten. Sometimes it makes me sad how much i remember and cherish some of those memories, only to realise that other people had forgotten it.

如果有一天，你走进我的心，你会哭
因为里面装的满满都是你，
如过有一天，我走进你的心，我也会哭
因为里面没有我的身影。

There is only one memory however, that I truly want to erase. It wasn't a bad memory. It was far from bad. It was perfect. Just because it is perfect, it pains me to look at it every time. It hurts so much thinking that it is only just a memory. It will never ever happen again. That was more than 5 years ago. Stupid Jay.

When I opened my eyes, it was only just a dream 

Hiding My Heart

So this is how the story went
I met someone by accident
who blew me away
who blew me away

It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, you buried them away

And I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
you'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

I dropped you off at the train station
And put a kiss on top of your head
I watched you wave
I watched you wave
Then I went on home to my skyscrapers
Neon lights and waiting papers
That I call home
I call that home

I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Away

I woke up feeling heavy hearted
I'm going back to where I started
The morning rain
The morning rain
And though I wish that you were here
On that same old road that brought me here
Is calling me home
Is calling me home

I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart 
away

2012

From what I can see right now, it sure looks like the end of the world.

Yet after a storm, out comes a...

Rainbow!:D

You are almost there Jay. Don't give up!:D

Butterfies

Butterflies in my stomach. Lets hope that I can survive through tomorrow.

Music will always live

For months I had been looking into the mirror, thinking that I am a failure, never excelling in anything. I asked myself thousand times why. Why do I not have any talents? Why isn't there something I am amazing at? And finally I got the answer:

I always give up halfway.

So this is the reason why I am going to take up piano and possibly taekwondo again. I don't want to look back at myself 20 years later and regret that I just gave up like that.

I am going to bring music back into my life.:)